You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize