At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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