she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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