Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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