just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
