Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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