Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
