totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
