I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
