just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
