Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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