I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
