Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
