I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
