last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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