but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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