Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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