mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
