when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
