I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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