20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
