lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
