Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
