It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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