Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
