I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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