next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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