Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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