I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
