you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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