I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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