dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
