He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
