So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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