You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
