yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
