There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
