yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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