I will die if light touches me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
