Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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