party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My balls are so social today.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
