i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
