What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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