I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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