Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
