So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
