I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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