My underwear smells like fireworks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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