I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
