Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
