Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
