WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
