when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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