did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
