OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
