shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My vagina just clenched in fear
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
