good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
