Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
