It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
