you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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