if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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