He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
