All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
