Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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