Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
