Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i believe in u and ur pee
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
